Dead and dying jokes
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A monster and a zombie went into a funeral home. 'I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who has just died,' said the monster.
'Certainly ma'am,' said the undertaker, 'but there was really no need to bring her with you.'
If a woman is born in Italy, grows up in England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is she?
Dead.
Vampire 1: "I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died."
Vampire 2: "How awful!"
Vampire 1: "Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of time."
I've been e-mailing William Shakespeare.
William Shakespeare's dead, silly.
No wonder he hasn't replied.
What is the last thing you eat before you die?
You bite the dust.
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